It wasn’t meant to be like this…

You had plans. All the plans. To change the world, to get that job, to marry that man.

To be happy.

And then life happened. You got that diagnosis, and now all those plans lie in ashes in the furnace of the local oncology unit.

You thought she was the one, but it turned out so badly. She had issues you could barely dream of, and you thought you could love her out of them, but now both your lives are destroyed and it’s hard to see the light anymore.

You thought you’d put the past behind you, and then one comment, one sermon, one moment, and it all came rushing back, and you wonder now if you’ll ever be free.

It was never meant to be like this.

And you look back at those plans you made in an earlier, easier life, and you wondered how you could possibly be so naive. Back then, you wanted to change the world, and now, changing the sheets just seems like too much work. You’re tired and grieving, and the only light looks like just one more train to knock you over and run you down, until in your heart you begin to wonder if death is easier after all.

It was never meant to be like this.

He was meant to be the king, the promised one, the Messiah. They’d followed him for three years, sharing in his life, and the faint glimmer had blown into a full blown fire of hope that now, now at last, they’d be free. Now the Romans would be trampled and the way of liberation would be open.

And there he was, hanging on a tree. The death of a common criminal. And as he died slowly, over those three agonising hours, their hopes and dreams died too.

We know the end of the story. Easter is coming. But sometimes it seems so bloody far away, and Good Friday seems endless.

Emmanuel. God with us. Not God making it better. Not God smoothing the path and making the way straight and raining down skittles from heaven.

God with us. In the muck and the crap and the rubbish of everyday living. In the brutality and the drudgery and the hopelessness and despair.

And it doesn’t make it better. It rely doesn’t. Life is still shit sometimes. People die. People betray us. And dreams die.

But there is one that won’t ever die. The dream of being known, loved, cherished. Of not being alone.

Emmanuel.

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4 Responses to It wasn’t meant to be like this…

  1. Carolyn says:

    Spot on. Thank you.
    “And it doesn’t make it better. It really doesn’t. Life is still shit sometimes. People die. People betray us. And dreams die.
    But there is one that won’t ever die. The dream of being known, loved, cherished. Of not being alone.”

    That is just how life and faith is…and it doesn’t make things better and it doesn’t get rid of the crap, and it doesn’t help….and yet it does, it makes all the difference.”

  2. Jo says:

    so very true…. Wise & insightful & heart-wrenchingly expressed. Thank you x

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