Precious daughter. Beloved child.
I know you’re hurting. You’re hurting so much that you think your heart might break. You want to scream and cry and hit things, and you’re scared that once you start, you’re never going to be able to stop.
I see the smile you’re putting on. The way you try to convince yourself that it’s ok. That these things happen.
I know you. I know your heart, because I made it. I know those emotions, because I gave them to you. I know that your mother heart is so strong, so fierce, that you’d walk through flames to rescue your children, and it’s killing you that you just can’t make this one ok.
You can’t see this right now. But I want you to know something. Every year you cry, every frustration, every anger. I feel them too. Because you are my precious and beloved. Worthy and faithful. Adored and cherished. And my father’s heart breaks for you.
I know you’re angry. I know you can’t decide whether to push me away or beg me nearer. Here’s the thing. I’m already with you. And you can scream and shout and push and cry, but I’m going nowhere. I will never leave you, beloved.
You are valued. You are loved. You are precious. And I’m proud of you. Not because you’ve got it all sorted. Not because you’ve got the right words. But because in the midst of your pain, you’re still clinging on. You are stronger than you realise.
One day, I promise, you will understand. One day, I promise, all things will be made new. That’s a hard one, and you’ll probably lose sight of it sometimes. Please don’t ever lose sight of this. I love you. And I cry for you and with you.
Let yourself hurt. Don’t try to pretend it’s ok. Let yourself need people. Let yourself cry. It’s ok. Shout at me, swear at me. I can take it.
I know you feel alone. I know you wonder where I am. But I promise, beloved, cherished daughter. I will never, ever leave you.
You are mine.